so now I want to be public on the web…

I want my own domain again… I want my own space so I can upload my own music, store pictures on my own server (well not really this server… you know what I mean…) So when I get more money this is what I need:

1) Name for the site/domain name… old domain names for me have been ubiety.org (meaning to stay in one place), michusuh-life.net (korean for crazy life… hm… maybe I”ll bring that one up again), and azn-bish.com (…. nah too ghetto like…)
2) Find a reliable host/server for a very reasonable price
3) Find a decent FTP transfer program
4) Find a day off where I can do the layout and coding (in other words… no work, no Wes/friends…)

So… any help?

so I suck…

I failed my interview… the main interview I poured my heart and soul in… yet the reason why I failed… details… I wasn’t very into details with my situation.

I know I suck at details and it has always been a problem. In high school I couldn’t do a detail picture thing in the High School exam… if you live in Jersey you know what I’m talking about… The test they make you take in Junior Year. I failed the English part of it (surprise surprise) and I only passed it because I was “special ed”… oh well

I finally mailed out Andrew’s package… With the last couple of weeks he has in the state I sent him a gift card for Starbucks, a new techno CD, and a valentine’s day card. He is sick and tired of it out there… I know he just wants to come home now… and I wish he can… but it’s very difficult with him and oh yea… the United States Army… blec. It’s hard… I miss Andrew terribly right now.I miss his random jokes, watching him struggle with math, and he can cheer me up within seconds as well. We’ve been though rough times… there was a time when Andrew and I wouldn’t talk to each other because we were both really mad at each other… and his whore of his girlfriend at that time dick teased him not to talk to me… Our friendship is really strong together… no one in the world can separate us apart… they have tried but none of them were successful and they will never be. It’s tough because it’s tough on the ones we are dating/seeing. Andrew’s ex tried but she failed… I sense Wes can get jealous when ever Andrew is home that I spend a lot of time with him… He will never admit it but I know he is… but he understands that him and I are who we are and again… to let it go. He does and you know what… Andrew and Wes got along with each other as well! Although Andrew always talks about doing Wes… =/. But still… it’s hard being separated from him now… only another fucking year and a half till he comes back from Iraq…and what will happen afterwards! Gah..

I miss my sanity right about now… any help? Wii is calling me now….

I freeze up

I’m lost in general….

I found out recently I am due for a panel date. Okay so that is not new to any of you…  but before I was like, “meh I don’t know when the heck I will do it” or I keep on thinking to myself, “I have time”. Yet I just talked to someone in cooperate who is telling me that I am next and she will call me for a date next week… Can I say gah? or meep…. random noises to indicate how nervous I am!!! I know this is only an interview and I know if I fail I can always go up again… yet I still feel very nervous. I don’t get it… I don’t know why… I am just… freezing up in general over it. Now that I know that it is coming up soon, I am panicking. What do I answer for the question on Composure? What do I say about Diversity? Wait!!!! What coffee blend should I choose and will I pair it with the right foods? How do I describe the aroma/taste?!?!?! GAH! That is all I have to say about this interview… and not only that… What do I wear? Do I need a totally new wardrobe? Where can I get a new business suit for a reasonable price?… I hate this feeling and all…

So to ease myself I think I should enjoy this concert to the extent of it as I should. If any of you don’t know… tonight (January 29) I am going to see Bayside for the 5th millionth time! This time they are preforming with Straylight Run (meh…) and Tokyo Rose… yep a Jersey band! Okay so they are “azn emo” but you know what… they have pretty cool personalities and their work isn’t tooo bad. And so again… as much as I am going to try to do it… I’m going to have a fun time tonight with Wes at least.

So interview is coming up in a week or two… eh… wish me luck?

Privacy

So if you haven’t heard… Heath Leadger died… and believe me I think we all know who he is and how he died now… Not only that but a couple of weeks ago everyone knows what happened to Britney Spears and her child custody case thing… And before that I’m pretty sure we stalked Ashlee Simpson or Justin Timberlake to the bitter end and someone out there HAS to know what they are doing.

As for me… I prefer my privacy. I prefer to keep family stuff to myself. If the media ever founded out what was wrong with me… gosh it would be heart breaking. Not only that… why do we care soo much of what is going on out there? Is it a way for us to escape from our own problems and to realize that no one is perfect? I’m getting sick of all of the celebrity gossip. I’m sick of shows like TMZ or Access Hollywood. Tell me something else! A doctor who cured a disease or a person who went out their way to help others…

The news is a very depressing channel to be watching lately. Am I the only one out there who just wants to see happy stuff? There are people at my job who is like, “Did you hear what happen to Britney Spears?” or “Oh my god look what happen to [insert a name of a celeb who is having a difficult time now]!”… Gahhhhhh i’m getting sick and tired of it to tell you the truth….

Got it!

I think January have been a great month of changes so far… so far this is the changes:

1. New laptop came in!
2. Went to Ikea and got new bed sheets! And it’s red! I was hoping for black but I like the red better
3. Getting a new mattress soon! Grandma got a new mattress and didn’t like it so she is giving it to me.
4. Got everything set for my interview and working hard at it as well. Bleh…

So now I’m happy… no piece of shit laptop I am u sing now so I can finally view videos and shit like that. My room is semi-clean and organized so I feel a bit better now. And I feel like I’m getting a new place of my own with the new sheets I have…

The wait!

So does anyone out there know how I feel now? I ordered a laptop from Dell and it’s taking over 2 weeks to build it! AHHHH!!! I’m too excited and I want it now (well the one i’m on now is a Piece of SHIT!)…

So me being very weird… I wanted a laptop backpack. I hate feeling weight on one shoulder… which also makes the search harder for me. What is making even worse is that I’m very PICKY on my stuff… then I found geeks.com… they sell computer stuff! And guess what I found? this backpack! And for 12.99? Wow! With my 10% coupon code (bleh not a lot off) 11.69. Not too bad! The only thing that sucks… shipping and handling is 9.00. Oh well

so what’s up lately…

So my last post wasn’t a happy one… we finally decided to treat each other with respect and dignaty though… I told him how I felt and he apologized. I really didn’t accept it in a way, but in a way I have because I hate fighting. Not only did the fighting hurt us, it hurts my boyfriend as well. He is my boyfriend’s good friend and the singer of his band. So for his sake… I made peace with him.

Good news though! I finally saved up enough money (with help from my Nana from my mom’s side and a bit help from my dad) to get a new laptop. It’s a Dell Inspiron 1525. For geeks, read on!

It has the following:
1. Intel Core 2 duo 1.66 MHz
2. Windows Vista Premium
3. 1 GB memory
4. 120 GB hard drive
5. Bluetooth with a bluetooth mouse and keyboard
all for 700 bucks… not bad… and totally better than this POS i have now…

My interview/panel date is coming up soon. I’m nervous… anxious… excited… a bunch of stuff… I really can’t answer this at all…

Oh and to end this weird sounding blog… go see Juno… it’s pretty good

it hurts

So there is one of my good friends and I… him and I were really close in the beginning. He was there for me when I ended my last relationship and I was there for him with the failure of 3 relationships (all ended in him crying on the phone to me at 1 in the morning) and other personal things.

Now let me start by saying this… he is not the sharpest tool in the shead. Some of the things that comes out of him are like… what? When him and I were good friends with a girl, she would mention about sex and he would be like, “… what?” not in that he is shocked to hear about it… but he doesn’t know what is going on thing.

There is a time he really  hurt me in the past though. Long story short: he was supposed to meet up with me for lunch but instead he was hanging out and making out with a girl who hurted him a month later. To make matters worse… I found out 3 hours after the meeting time him and I set up…. I’ve learned to put that in the past and go on with my life.

Yet lately he has been saying things that does hurt me. It started with my birthday. I didn’t expect anyone to give me gifts. But he said to me, “I want to give you a gift but I can’t cause I am saving up money to buy an engagement ring.” Now why is that stupid folkes? 1) They were NOT together at that point at all… they ended their relationship 2 months before my birthday. 2) 3 months later she told him she doesn’t love him anymore and is now getting married to another man (to my defense I am not making her sound like a bitch at all. Im making it sound like that he didn’t think things through really).  And then there was this Tuesday at Andrew’s house. I asked Wes after his concert is he coming home to Jersey. He told me no and that he is hanging out with Milky up in New Haven. I guess I was talking out of my ass but I said, “hey how about I take a train up there and we can hang out together?” Wes was all in the idea but milky said, “Wes and I haven’t hung out together in a long time….. but I guess you can come” It could of sounded sarcastic…  but he didn’t sound sarcastic… he sounded like he was pissed off I asked. This is from a guy who calls <b>ME</b> his best friend… this is from a guy who complains why don’t I ever hang out with HIM alone or in general why don’t I hang out with him?

I feel like I lost him as a friend… it happens to me every year though… I gain new friends yet I loose friends. Usually I keep my good friends… but this time I lost one of my good friends…

a little update from high school….

So it’s been about 5 years since I graduated High School… good ol Parsippany Hills HS woohoo… So a lot have changed since high school. Basically being in the special ed department… I have met some interesting students… and being in regular good ol classes, I again have met some interesting people as well.

I never really gotten along with people from high school. I was just really close to Andrew and this quiet chineese girl named Lillian. Oh and a select few from marching band… but the people in my class? I really didn’t go crazy for them. Of cource after graduating high school I gotten closer to some people like Jeff, Joey, and I got to know a bit more about a kid name Steve who is out there some where….

Due to my job and my location, I run into a bunch of them often… some I’m happy to run into… but most of them I look the other way. The ones that I got along with some times I talk to. I found out at least 5 girls have babies already, one is expecting her SECOND child (remind you these girls are my age… 22 to 23 ish…), one got married and divorced, and one is getting married to the father of her baby after they dated for only 9 months… Now I’m hardly the person to judge in this situation. I bet my opinion would be very negative to them since they have been very negative to me… but can I at least say I wasn’t surprised on hearing who these girls are?

Jeff is a bigger whore on catching up with people from high school (his facebook has over 200 friends… and he knows each person!) He told me some don’t know what they are going to do after they graduate college and some don’t have any job offeres yet. I ran innto one of them at my job and we never really gotten along in high school… so I didn’t bother to stop my tracks to say Hi to her and catch up. It is ironic though she is skinny as a stick and she always is like, “Sugar Free Skim Milk… I got to loose more weight!” But I over heard her say to her friend that she can’t find a job in her field and she doesn’t know what she is going to do. I kinda felt like laughing at her and saying to her that I got a full time job and it’s paying a shit load more money than what I could get with my web design degree, but I kept my mouth shut and continued making drinks.

Another 5 years to go till my 10 year reunion comes up… I already know I’m probably going to hang around Andrew the most. Of cource we’ll say hi to other people and catch up… but to tell you the truth I really think the two of us will just stick together… and I’m fine with that

irony isn’t it?

So yesterday went off pretty alright. I volunteered @ the PetSmart Picture for Santa event from 10 am to like 3 ish…. basically all the lady wanted me to do is to get 20 signatures from volunteers and help her fill out the paperwork for sbux… got that done! And thanks to the help of Stock and Frank… we got out earlier than I thought!

So right after that Wes, Frank, Milky, his friend Jess, and I went to see the Bayside concert with June and The Sleeping. At that concert Wes ran into one of his old high school buddies. The guy told him that the lead singer of the Sleeping, Doug, went to high school with wes! After Wes thought about it… he realized they were on the same bus together! So Wes and I went up to Doug and Wes told him and he seemed to “remembered” Wes. Now why did I put remembered in quotes? Well… let’s just say he was a bit under the influence when we ran into him. The whole group of us were sitting at the bar watching the other acts as we were watching him drinking one drink at a time over and over and over! Not only that but Jess and I witnessed him flirting with a not so attractive girl at the bar and watched him constantly trying to lean in to kiss her… funny it’s true that most people get drunk before they go on stage… OH and another reason why we think he was under the influence of alcohol… he dedicated a song to the girl at the bar saying thanks for all the drinks… yep he was pretty waisted let’s just say that…

Overall the concert was fun as hell… watching people make asses of themselves was probably the cherry to the best day of my life… Oh and not to mention… where I was standing to see Bayside was where Bayside’s family and friends were in their special area to watch them… so Nick got his mother though. These 12 year old kids next to me were cursing about that and I said “hey it’s Nick’’s  mother. ” They were like, “who is nick?” I told him the bassest of Bayside… and they gave me a blank look… but they knew who Anthony was… I felt bad too… Nick and their drummer Chris are awesome people… they really interact with their fans. I’m not saying Jack and Anthony ignore their fans… they are awesome too! But yet everyone ignores Nick and Chris who works as hard as anyone one else in that band. So for that reason, I purposely went to find Nick and told him he was awesome and gave him a hug.

So where to next? Well they’re preforming again with Tokyo Rose… and I met Tokyo Rose at CCM… so it’ll be fun to talk to them again… I was planning to go to Madison Square Garden to see Linkin Park but decent seats are like $65 bucks… so fuck that…